As is frequently the case, shipmates, I am vexed. As is even more frequently the case, my shipmate Nelson Cooke is the cause. Nelson says he doesn’t know who his father is, but knows his mother (she works in the brothel he owns). He and another guy from his small island, Jon Paul Cooke (the two are scrimshawed below; Nelson’s in the Pirates shirt), aren't twins, yet they claim to have been born to the same mother, on the same day, at the same time, in the same year. Assuming (and I know this is a big assumption) Nelson’s telling the truth, how in the crap can this be? There’s a scrimshaw in it for whoever helps me out of this one first.

For more info and/or tips on how to dodge the Coast Guard, have rum shipped to you in bulk quantities, and find a date you won't have to pay for, check out Nelson's blarg at piratesofpensacola.com